


ivy league

by aymr



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Adultery, Angst, Enemies With Benefits, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Hate Sex, Hurt/Comfort, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:21:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29124108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aymr/pseuds/aymr
Summary: Addison Montgomery is a league of her own that glistened in an incandescent light. Meredith Grey was jealous, was resentful of her. After Meredith Grey found out Derek never signed the divorce papers, she finds his wife for comfort. Except, it wasn't soft or tender. There was no tenderness between them; only catharsis, only repressed resentment set free.
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery
Comments: 26
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! I wrote something pretty fast. And to be honest, I feel like I need to find god and a tub of holy water because holy do i feel filthy.

Breathlessly, she found herself stumbling in front of the revolving doors before her. Meredith Grey had a little too much to drink as she could only feel the pain, the horror, the disgust at Derek Shepherd.  _ Disgusting.  _ He still tried to woo her despite his refusal to sign his divorce papers. Meredith Grey, heartbroken and reckless wandered through the hotel lobby of the Archfield. There was barely any sense why she was here. At the sight of a closing elevator door, she slammed her palm against the door to stop it from closing. 

Drunkenly, she stumbled inas she leaned her back against the walls. When the door closed, Meredith sighed until she heard a voice speaking. 

“Doctor Grey,” at the sound of her name, Meredith froze. She didn’t respond nor move a single inch — she did have an idea of who it was but still, she was fearful to test her theory. “Doctor Grey,” the voice repeatedly, this time with less patience in the voice. 

Thus, Meredith looked up and locked gaze with the figure. Her eyes narrowed almost spitefully at the other presence — McDreamy’s perfect, long legged, Isabella Rosellini looking, annoyingly kind,  _ fucking  _ hot wife was there. Her cheeks flushed with anger and anguish. Meredith was close to starting a fight but she managed to rein in the last bit of her impulses with what little impulse control she had. 

“Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd,” she said defiantly.    
“What...What are you doing here?” Addison inquired carefully.   
Meredith stayed silent, contemplating the answer to that question. The truth was, Meredith didn’t know why she was here either. Did she hope to find Derek here? Did she want revenge against someone who wasn’t the perpetrator? She didn’t know but what she did know what Addison was infuriatingly gorgeous and she could not stop staring at her.   
“Meredith.” Addison spoke, snapping the intern back into reality.   
“What?”   
“What. Are. You. Doing. Here?” Addison enunciated each word, progressively sounding more annoyed with each progression.    
“I… You… You wanted to have a threesome earlier, no?” Meredith asked boldly. At this point, her filter wasn’t working and she was stumbling closer towards the other woman. “Well, I’m here. Are you just gonna turn me away?” 

At that Addison chortled in disbelief. She raised her palms facing towards the other, as if to push her away. “Doctor Grey,” she started carefully. “I think you’re missing a  _ key  _ element of a threesome. There’s only two of us here.”   
“Haha!” Meredith laughed as she fell forward and Addison involuntarily caught her. Lazily, she looked up at the older woman as one palm pressed against the wall behind the other woman. “It would be one but Derek hasn’t been very nice lately. I don’t want to include him.”    
“Are you…” Addison tilted her head to one side in shock, her arms barely supporting the blonde as her eyes watched the elevator go up each floor. “Are you… propositioning me?”   
“Why not? I’m hot, you’re hot… and besides. Derek hurt me. Don’t you wanna get back at him too?” Meredith asked slyly as she found herself tugging the collar of Addison’s coat to stabilize her footing. Slowly, she pulled herself up closer to the redhead — Meredith could feel Addison’s breath hot against her own skin as her hazy emerald eyes searched out Addison’s cerulean gaze.    
“Meredith… I came here to fix my marriage —” Addison then hesitated, as if she was deep in thought. Her eyes searched anywhere but Meredith’s eyes. She thought about the way Derek walked in on her and Mark but he only responded by getting up and leaving. She thought about the ways how he had repeatedly verbally berated her in front of the people she knew. There was only a certain amount of that she could tolerate… a part of her did feel bitter about all of it. 

Her eyes looked at Meredith’s momentarily and —  _ shit,  _ she was alluring. For a moment there, she understood why Derek was attracted to her. Besides, if she slept with Meredith Grey it would settle the score between her and Derek. After all, at that point they would’ve both slept with the same woman. 

Addison leaned over to Meredith’s ears and husked, “fine,” then she paused. “Do not breathe a word of this to anyone.”

_ Ding!  _ Rang the elevator bell and the doors opened. Meredith casted a look over at Addison as a smirk played on her lips. This was Derek’s wife. Imagine the look on his face if he found out that his wife and his dirty little mistress slept together — furious right? The idea of revenge was all too powerful and the truth was, Meredith was more drunk on the power than she was on the three shots of tequila in her system. 

Addison unlocked the door to her suite and before she could settle down, Meredith pinned her against the door, slamming it shut. The young blonde leaned in, pressing a sloppy kiss against Addison’s lips. There was no tenderness in her actions, only the force of disdain and anguish. She felt Addison gasp, and the truth was she felt an undeniable high from that — the almighty She-Shepherd was falling at her mercy. It was intoxicating the way how Addison moaned against her mouth and the ways how she felt those slender fingers desperately pulling off the jacket that was wrapped so tightly around Meredith’s lithe frame. 

“I don’t like you,” Meredith breathed in between their desperate kisses as she pulled off Addison’s black tailcoat and threw it on the ground as it pooled with her own jacket.   
“And yet you can’t stop  _ kissing  _ me, Grey,” Addison retorted as she gasped for air before another crushing kiss was pressed against her.    
“Shut up. I do the talking.” Her fingers hiked along her creamy thighs as she dug her nails in, leaving violent red scratches against Addison’s skin. The way how Addison shivered at her touch was driving her wild as she felt the other woman involuntarily melt. 

It had been a long time since Meredith screwed another woman but it would be a first to say she screwed someone else’s wife. She’s already committed adultery once. It wasn’t as if committing once or more would make a difference. Addison’s knees were quaking against Meredith’s touch and she moaned, as if begging to be touched by the other woman. 

“Please…” Addison involuntarily whined as her hips arched, begging for contact against Meredith’s fingers that were so intent on digging themselves into her flesh.   
“Somebody’s needy,” Meredith chuckled before removing her hand from her thigh. Slowly, they traced upwards and tugged at Addison’s collar. “Take this off.” 

Addison bit her bottom lip in anticipation as she watched Meredith Grey standing there, staring at her as she was on the floor. Her eyes peered upwards as she undid the bow around her waist. The intern observed as if Addison was a fascinating case study. She studied the way how her fingers trembled and the way she looked at Meredith, frustrated that she found herself in this position. Finally, the zipper was undone and the dress fell from Addison’s frame. 

Meredith’s lips part but much to her surprise she found herself pushed against the wall as Addison grabbed a handful of her strawberry blonde hair. There was this incredibly sexy and devilish smile that was on the other woman’s lips. Seductively, Meredith bit her bottom lip as if to taunt the older woman and Addison took the bait by pulling her locks harshly. 

“Did you really think you were the one in charge, Grey?” Addison breathed, her teeth grazing against Meredith’s earlobe and Meredith only shivered upon contact. Slowly, Addison inched her fingers up her sweater, her nails digging into the flesh of her shoulder blades harshly as she dragged them down tantalizingly so. “By the end of this night my name will be the  _ only  _ thing you’ll know how to say.” 

“Somehow I doubt that,” Meredith taunted before she pushed Addison’s naked form against the other wall and felt her body collide with a telltale thud. Her hand slid upwards along the slope of Addison’s body, feeling the swell of her covered breast as Addison shivered involuntarily. “Because… that would be rather troublesome, no?” 

Another hand slid behind Addison’s back as she unhooked her lingerie before she inched her lips against her collarbone. Meredith bared her teeth, pressing against Addison’s flesh. In that moment, she felt the way Addison tangled her fingers into her hair, pushing her closer as if ushering her to proceed. Violently, Meredith laid a warpath along Addison’s flesh, dragging her teeth against her creamy skin with only bruised teeth marks. 

There was no tenderness in her motions as she marked the enemy’s territory. Addison in this moment was a tool for her to get back at Derek for breaking her heart over and over again. No more would she allow herself to give her heart to him. The truth was, she much preferred seeing “Satan” in this light: vulnerable, breathless, and her body begging for mercy. 

“Oh god… you - you —” Addison’s protests were muffled by the tongue that found their way around her hardened nipples. Her chest arched and Meredith grinned smugly as she felt the way how Addison trembled under her touch.

“If you never showed up I would’ve been happy,” Meredith whispered as her lips trailed lower and lower. “If you never showed up I would’ve still had a boyfriend. If you never showed up I wouldn’t’ve been more broken than I am now.”

Suddenly, Addison’s legs were wrapped around Meredith’s shoulders. There were no coherent words that left the red head’s lips except for the frenetic pleas for Meredith to continue fuelling her pleasure. None of the hateful words spewed by the younger woman was registering in her mind and all she could do was beg and hope she could encourage Meredith to continue her ministrations. 

* * *

The next morning came as Addison flinched at the greeting of sunlight. The curtains were never drawn — guess she never had the chance to do that. Her head was hurting and her body ached. Slowly, she touched her naked body as it slid against her skin — an involuntary hiss left her lips, the spot felt tender so she left the bed before stepping into the bathroom. 

_ It was a hickey. A goddamn hickey. Meredith Grey marked her.  _

This was beyond frustrating. She made a mistake, a great lapse in judgement. Yet, it was surprisingly vindicating. The way neither of them held back with their resentment towards each other was therapeutic — Meredith was not soft on her and she was not kind to her either. Yet, sadly, this was the best sex she had in years. 

So, she walked over to her bed and found Meredith tangled in her sheets. Now, Addison might’ve held feelings of resentment towards her, she was by no means cruel. So, she left her a glass of water and a change of clothes. Quickly, she scribbled a note and laid it beside the sleeping blonde. Her fingers moved and set an alarm for 6:00AM before she haphazardly got dressed and slipped out of her hotel room.

The last thing she wanted to do was to have an awkward conversation with Meredith about the night before. 

When the door slammed after Addison left, Meredith roused from the lights that hit her. It was harsh on her eyes and for a brief moment, she felt disoriented. Then, it came back to her. She was mad at Derek and then she decided to run away from him and somehow that decision involved her finding his  _ wife  _ at the hotel she was staying at. Then… she remembered why she was naked. They had sex. They had  _ hate  _ sex. Under usual circumstances Meredith would’ve most certainly blamed it on the fact that she was drunk — but three shots of tequila was barely enough to give her a buzz, nevertheless get her blackout drunk .

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…” Meredith chanted it like a mantra. She’s fucked up royally this time and the worst part was, she was going to see both Shepherds at the hospital today. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! thank you for the reviews i appreciate them so much! i updated this shockingly quick but never expect that from me... i am slow. however, please continue enjoying this chaotic train ride

Meredith Grey slipped on the sweater Addison left at the bedside table. Until she stopped in her tracks, noticing a haphazardly written note underneath. The blonde pulled it close and read the contents scribbled. 

> _ I left you some water and aspirin. Hope it helps with your hangover. If anyone asks you where you were last night do not say we were together. Anyways. I guess I’ll see you around.  _
> 
> _ Signed, _ _   
>  _ _ Addison _

The events of last night felt like a fever dream, yet, when she realized how she smelled like Addison’s perfume and the smeared lipstick stains against her neck, her chest, and her hips she knew this wasn’t something she could deny. Meredith Grey was royally fucked in the head. Not only did she break up with Derek, she also slept with his wife — how was she ever going to recover from that? Her head ached, and without a second thought she took the aspirin and downed the glass of water. 

It was strange to think that Addison was still thoughtful enough to feel concerned about her wellbeing. The truth was, she wished she could forget all the things that have happened the night before — she wasn’t kind, she was beyond callous, and yet Addison took the vitriol and threw it back at her in kind. Still, it didn’t change the fact that she loathed the fact that she admitted how much Addison’s presence in her life affected her mental wellbeing. 

“Anyone seen Dr. Shepherd, this morning?” the sound of Addison’s voice snapped her out of her daze and their eyes met briefly before mutually avoiding each other’s gazes.    
“He’s on the OR board. He should be here somewhere,” Bailey replied curtly.

Thankfully, Addison left as swiftly as she came. 

* * *

The rest of the morning felt like a haze. A man using pornography as a means to relieve pain — it felt wrong to witness, yet she knew she had to settle aside any personal judgements and work in favour of the patient. Of course, Bailey finally had it after a certain point. They were ushered out of the patient’s room as they stood by the nurse’s station awaiting for assignment. 

“O'Malley, Karev, you're in the pit today. Stevens, there's a cardiac patient waiting up for you on two. Yang, keep an eye on the Lamott's. I don't want any problems. Go,” Bailey assigned as the rest of them all scurried off, except for Meredith. “Grey, your mother's being discharged this evening. You've made arrangements or do you need more time?”   
“The nursing home is coming at eight,” Meredith replied.    
Then, Bailey turned her heels as she began to walk away but not before assigning Meredith with an assignment, “All right then you're with Shepherd, Derek Shepherd, today.”

Meredith attempted to chase after her resident to protest this assignment only for Bailey to essentially tell her to ‘carpe diem’ before vanishing out of her view. 

The truth was, Derek was the last person she wanted to see. How was she supposed to tell him about the fact that she had hate sex with his wife in her hotel room and that it was awesome? She couldn’t. It was a spontaneous act of revenge that Meredith regretted. Yet, at the thought of him it made her sick to the stomach with how much she hated him for lying to her and yet, she still loved him all the same. 

When her eyes met Derek’s from across the hall, Meredith inhaled deeply to embrace herself for impact as she approached the attending.  _ This was work. This was purely professional.  _

“Meredith,” he said softly.   
“Your wife is looking for you,” Meredith stated in a matter of fact voice.    
“Oh, my God, this is hard for me, Meredith,” Derek was exasperated and frustrated.    
“Well, let me make it easy then. I'm not gonna be that woman. The one who breaks up a marriage or begs you to want me. You can sign the papers or you cannot. The choice is yours. Either way, when it comes to this relationship, I'm out,” Meredith stated until she noticed Derek’s gaze landed on her. “Now, where's this patient I'm supposed to be helping you with?”   
“Down there,” Derek pointed behind him. 

It was unfortunate for her to be on his assignment. Meredith still resented him for lying to her, but she was also concealing a lie herself too. Did that make them even? She didn’t think so. The worst part of it all was, last night she wanted to hurt him the same way he hurt her but at this point she wasn’t sure if Addison was even the right person for that. He had been avoiding his wife since she appeared — Meredith was convinced he didn’t actually love her anymore because if he still had any shred of fondness, he’d let her go; he wouldn’t trap her in a loveless marriage. This was just sad to watch. 

The storm was still raging on and Meredith was dreading spending the day with Derek as she reluctantly followed him to their patient. The truth was, her heart wasn’t in it today. All she could think about was the way Addison and her threw hurtful words at each other all night long as they struggled to assert their dominance. She could still vividly picture the way how Addison’s fingers tangled in her hair while Meredith scraped her teeth against her creamy thighs — or the way how Addison violently clawed her back as she fucked her until she couldn’t remember the fact that she was screwing Derek Shepherd’s wife. 

Finally, she snapped herself out of those inappropriate fantasies she was having in the middle of the workplace. Her eyes looked over at Derek and then the discharge forms that were in her hand. 

“Do I continue to process her discharge?” Meredith asked.    
“Yeah we have to. It's insane, but we have to. It reminds of this case I had in New York one time and this woman came to the office and —”   
“Look, do you need me for anything else work related?” They’re in the stairwell, a place all too familiar to Meredith. 

Then upon her curt inquiry, Derek turned to look at her furiously. His eyes darted around and surveilled for anyone else here. Then, he stepped close in a predatory fashion, baring his teeth at the intern. 

“Look. I was married for eleven years. Addison is my family. That is eleven Thanksgivings, eleven birthdays and eleven Christmases. And in one day, I'm supposed to sign a piece of paper and end my family? A person doesn't do that. Not without a little hesitation. I'm entitled to a little uncertainty here! At least a moment to understand the magnitude to what it means to cut somebody out of my life. I'm entitled to a least one moment —” he paused momentarily upon the sound of footsteps echoing from the stairwell. Then, Derek lowered his voice. “...of painful doubt. And a little understanding from you would be nice.”

He stormed past Meredith and she rolled her eyes at that. Meredith could never understand Derek. One moment he was so intent on leaving his wife — after all, he made that decision months ago when he came to Seattle. Yet, somehow he was now indecisive. She hated him for that. She hated the fact that he was still intent on playing the good guy and he was only hurting her to pay for his vain status of being a good man. 

On her way out, Meredith saw Addison walking around again — what the hell was wrong with her today? The blonde inhaled sharply before decisively walking forward, as if Addison’s presence had no effect on her whatsoever. As she got closer, she noticed a polite smile cross Addison’s lips and all Meredith wanted to do was to wipe that smile off her lips. 

“Dr. Grey,” Addison greeted.   
“Dr. Shepherd,” Meredith replied curtly.   
“Have you seen the other Dr. Shepherd?” Addison inquired.   
“Yeah… minutes ago. But I don’t know where he is now.”    
“Okay...Okay,” Addison nodded awkwardly. “Well you have a good day, Dr. Grey.” 

Just as Addison was walking away from their conversation, the power went out as the machines started whirring and shutting down. In that instance, Meredith couldn’t tell what overcame her but she dragged the older woman into the nearest supply closet. Perhaps it was the blurry images of them having sex last night that had been plaguing her all day that resulted in this action — or perhaps it was Derek’s uncertainty and instability. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter because at that point Meredith had Addison’s back pinned against the door. 

“Dr. Grey —” Addison breathed.   
“Don’t. Don’t ‘Dr. Grey’ me,” Meredith interrupted as she locked her eyes with Addison.   
“Meredith… this is the hospital,” Addison swallowed as she found herself shivering at the intensity of Meredith’s dimmed gaze.   
“You’re not working,” Meredith retorted as she leaned her face closer, feeling the warmth radiating from Addison’s skin.   
“But you are,” Addison trembled until a shock overcame her, causing her to tug on Meredith’s white coat and pulling them into an intense kiss. 

The moment their lips met, Meredith felt as if all the weight of Derek’s words were alleviated. Addison was the cure to her pain but she was also the source of her anguish. Meredith tangled her fingers into Addison’s curls and pulled harshly until she heard the other moan whilst digging her nails into her scalp. 

“He’s not signing,” Meredith breathed as one hand started hiking up Addison’s dress. “At least I don’t think he’s going to.” Her teeth grazed against Addison’s ear as she felt the way how she shivered. “He wants me to be understanding — which is funny, because he only ever expects people to understand him but never tries to understand other people.”   
“Grey… I swear if you leave another hickey I will end you,” Addison gasped as she felt Meredith’s fingers pressed against the fabric of her panties. Somehow, she had one leg hooked around the intern’s waist. It was all so dizzying and she couldn’t believe she was having sex in a supply closet with her husband’s intern again. 

“Oh,” Meredith raised a brow before looking at Addison. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to. It was the tequila,” she smirked before hearing the sounds of Addison’s telltale moan. Quickly, she pressed their lips together to muffle the sounds that were leaving the older woman. 

There was something sobering about how their body moved in perfect synchronicity. This was Derek’s wife and she shouldn’t be the hypocrite who screw them both and break up their marriage — but her fucking Addison in the closet had nothing to do with her wanting to be with her and everything to do with wanting to hurt Derek the same way he hurt her. Even then, that would be a lie. Addison was gorgeous and despite the vitriol they spew at each other during their sordid gatherings, she was still kind to Meredith in spite of it all. Perhaps, that was what Meredith loathed. Perhaps, that was what Meredith wished she could be. 

“Oh god,” Addison whimpered as she clung to Meredith desperately. Her whole body trembled. Her toes clenched and it was then that Meredith knew their little affair was over. 

Thus, she withdrew her digits and managed an awkward smile. “I… I have to go check on my patient. Good… Goodbye.” 

And it was then that she ran out that supply closet, leaving the off duty attending disheveled whilst trying to avoid being seen by others on the floor. Quickly, she darted towards the stairwell with her back pressed against the wall of a corner as she slid down onto the ground again. Her hands in her face as she cursed at herself. This time, she was sober and there was no alcohol for her to blame it on again. It was all Derek’s fault for being an inconsiderate prick. It was all Derek’s fault for toying with her heart… and it was Addison’s fault for being there, for letting a guy as uncertain as Derek to make a decision. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, thank you for the lovely reception so far! i know so far it does feel a bit like a play by play of the season but trust me, once it starts to really diverge, it'll be pretty different from canon!

Over the past few days Meredith Grey became the talk of the town. Everywhere she went people were looking at her with disgust and pity. Never once did Meredith want to draw this much attention and yet, she found herself at the spotlight because of her idiotic decision to sleep with Derek. Somehow, no one faulted him and all the blame was on the slutty little intern. It was painful to hear those words pierce her like a knife to her chest, her friends were no less guilty than the rest of the hospital. In some twisted way, Meredith believed this was karma. 

Derek didn’t sign. He was staying with Addison — and Addison? She was planning on staying in Seattle it seemed. Though, judging from the banter between her and Derek, it would be safe to say that she wasn’t happy about the fact that they would be living in his trailer. 

Meredith tried not to keep up with the McDreamys and their newest set of drama. She was trying to mend herself from the damage Derek did to her in whatever fucked up or twisted fashion she could. There were men after men over the course of the nights since Thanksgiving Day. They were only bandaids to cover a wound that ran further than skin deep. None of them were like  _ her.  _ None of them seemed to understand her vitriol nor the aggressions in her actions… and in truth, those men were tiring to be around. 

Was it wrong for her to miss Addison’s body? Perhaps. Did it mean that she was going to stop having those inappropriate fantasies about having vitriolic sex with Addison in the supply closet during a rainstorm again? No. Meredith could still remember the way Addison's lipstick tasted against her own tongue and yet despite all that, she knew getting herself further involved with the Shepherds only meant trouble in the long run. Meredith didn’t want trouble any more; she didn’t want complicated people in her life — she was already messed up enough, she really couldn’t take anymore shit on top of her own.

Meredith sat idly outside on the benches with Cristina at her side as she held onto the cup of coffee. Her mind wandered all over the places from the curves of Addison’s body, to Derek’s soft smile, and then to the series of one-night stands she had over the past few days. Her mind was a cluttered mess and the last thing she wanted to do was to be left to her own thoughts. So, she spoke. 

“They always look so sad when I kick them out,” Meredith and Cristina chuckled before Meredith continued, “seriously, why do guys not understand that when you pick them up in a bar and take them home for sex, that there are no picket fences or kids in your future.”

At that Cristina laughed before pulling out the key to Burke’s apartment and Meredith only raised a brow at that. There was a moment of melancholy that lingered in her mind as she smiled at her friend — how ironic it was that Meredith craved the stability that Cristina was desperately trying to push away. Once upon a time, she dreamed of sharing a house with Derek Shepherd as they attempted to put on clothes and scurry to work after a long night of passionate lovemaking. Meredith Grey once had idyllic dreams about sharing a cup of coffee and breakfast on her porch as they watched the sunrise before going to bed after a night shift at the hospital. Yet, all of that felt so far away… as if it was impossible for her to ever reach again. 

Derek Shepherd was the closest to love she ever felt and truthfully, she doubted that she would ever feel it again. 

“Burke keyed you?” Meredith asked curiously.    
“Got freakin’ keyed before coffee,” Cristina scoffed before sliding the key back into her pocket.    
“What is wrong with them?” Meredith chuckled. 

Though, if she was to speak her truth she did find it quite romantic. Right about now, she would love a stable invitation — or maybe not. The truth was, there were always two demons at odds with each other within her mind: one yearned for love, family, and stability whilst the other was terrified of betrayal and complications. Meredith Grey lived in her mind and the only way to soothe the dull aches of her thoughts was to use sex as the salve that would temporarily alleviate her pain. She was a walking trainwreck and she knew that… and the person standing in front of her would  _ prove  _ that. 

Her gaze lifted to meet his, her jaw agape and Meredith froze in shock —  _ fuck,  _ what the hell was he doing here? At this point she was scared out of her mind. Her mind was spinning and she felt sick to the stomach. 

“You work here?” He asked.   
“Wh-what are you doing here?” Meredith barely spoke as she could’ve sworn that bile was building up at the pits of her throat.    
“I’m having a little problem,” he spoke and Meredith felt dizzy at the sound of his voice. 

_ This wasn’t real. This wasn’t real.  _ She chanted quietly like it was a mantra. He was a one night stand. He was just some guy she slept with for fun because she couldn’t bear the thought of actively sabotaging Derek’s marriage now that he was intent on repairing it with his wife. Then again, Derek wouldn’t be Derek if he didn’t at least try to patch the holes in his marriage with Addison.Yet, out of all the horrible decisions Meredith Grey had made… this somehow, felt like it was the worst of them all. If Meredith refused to perceive the problem didn’t exist then does the problem exist at all? 

“Ever since you and I…” 

_ Shit,  _ this was the worst time to stop dissociating as a means to avoid her problems. Her gaze slowly turned to Cristina in hopes for support, then upon noticing how intensely Cristina was staring Meredith couldn’t help but to look.

“It won’t go away.”

_ Shit. This was embarrassing.  _

“Cristina!” Meredith exclaimed with horror in her voice.   
“What? It’s right there looking at me!” Cristina gestured towards his crotch and he scurried to cover it with a jacket again. 

Meredith couldn’t believe this was actually happening to her. He came to her. He came to her, of all the hospitals he could’ve gone for help. Curse the fact that Joe’s Bar was so close to a hospital. Curse the fact that he probably took a leap of faith and assumed she worked here and the worst part was… he was right. It was way too fucking early for her to deal with this. In this instant, Meredith would rather be on Addison’s service and have her try to make awkward small talk at her the whole time while kissing her husband — Meredith’s ex-boyfriend — in front of her… or be in the pit doing sutures over and over again until she could suture in her sleep. Honestly, that was saying a lot about how much Meredith didn’t want to be around this guy. 

Thus, when she was trying to find a way to hide his body in a room in the hospital, the last thing she expected was to be caught red handed by her resident. Meredith really didn’t want to be here and the last thing she thought she would have to do was to explain to Bailey that she broke a man’s penis… or whatever. At this point she just wanted to go home and bury her face in her pillow and scream. 

* * *

Deciding to stay in Seattle was a decision Addison never wanted to make. Perhaps it was the fear that she would only stay for Derek only for him to leave her for Meredith Grey. There was always a feeling of unrest that brewed at the pit of her stomach about Derek but every time those feelings arose she would always push it down.  _ Derek chose her. Actions speak louder than words, Addison.  _ Yet she had signed her contract with Richard Webber this morning, officially making her one of the best paid neonatal surgeons on the west coast. 

_ She wasn’t staying for Derek. She was staying for herself.  _

However, despite all the trepidation that lingered within herself she was excited at the prospect of starting her life anew here with Derek. Now that they were back to being Addison and Derek, there was a sense of elation that rose from within. Yet… when she saw Meredith from the corner of her eye, she couldn’t help but to lift her gaze to look at her. The conversations she and Cristina were having was audible enough from her distance and Addison tried to look away as well as tried her best to not focus on the exchange. 

“Steve’s lab came back clean,” Meredith said.   
“So?” Cristina raised a brow at her.    
“So, someone needs to induce vasoconstriction.”   
_ God Meredith just say enema… wait —  _

“Oh nice try with the fancy word. He needs an enema and the answer is no,” Cristina scoffed at the idea as if it was preposterous.   
_ They’re interns. Why are they making such a big deal out of enemas? Sure it wasn’t pleasant or nice but it was a part of the job.  _ _   
_ “I can’t do it.”   
“Oh come on you let a guy you pick up in a bar see you naked and you can't give him an enema.”

At that Addison froze in horror — Meredith Grey’s one night stand was in the hospital and needed an enema? At the thought of that, Addison became visibly uncomfortable before she turned and walked away from the scene. 

_ This was good.  _ It meant Meredith wasn’t going to impulsively find Addison and initiate sex in some random obscure place that verged on being uncomfortable. Then again, they did sleep together once in her hotel room and another in the closet. So that only was two times. Still, the fact she slept with her twice was something Addison didn’t want people to know about. 

Despite all the good that could come out of this, Addison felt her stomach drop. She bit her bottom lip as a heavy exhale left her lips as her back leaned against the pristine white wall in the stairwell. Derek took her back. Derek was her husband. This was good. This meant Meredith was off the market for Derek… which meant the likelihood of her marriage dying was slim to none. That was why she sold her practice and relocated to Seattle to begin with — it was to fix her marriage and win back Derek’s heart. 

* * *

It turned out the infamous Steve, had a tumor on his lower spine and all Derek had to do was to operate on it — oh right, Derek found out about Meredith’s dalliances with one of the many men from the bars and he did not look too pleased with that. Though, none of that mattered anymore. Derek was back with his wife and she was… well, single and broken now and the only way she could repair herself was by putting the temporary bliss of sex overtop any emotional wounds that were blistering open as she stood there with her one night stand lying on the bed beside her. 

So she ventured out again to gather up with her fellow interns at the nurse’s station to wait for further assignment whilst trying to put herself at ease. It had been a long day and Meredith through the day had a moment of reflection as she realized how sex wouldn’t be able to mend the pain Derek left after lying to her for all the months they were together for. Addison wasn’t the answer. Neither were the men she was sleeping with and the thought of that was terrifying. Meredith Grey never learned how to deal with her problems in her adulthood except through drinking and copious amounts of mediocre sex. 

“Hey Addison wants me to put you guys on notice. When the quints are born we’re going to need everyone available. There’s gonna be five babies, at least three surgeries, we’re going to need all the hands we can get,” Izzie announced abruptly before everyone begrudgingly acknowledged the announcement. 

Well, now both of Meredith Grey’s worst nightmares are coming true. 

This was going to be a long shift. 


	4. Chapter 4

Meredith Grey spent the whole afternoon staring at the quint before her. There was a sort of wonder in her eyes as she looked at the little girl. Meredith Grey was a doctor who knew she needed distance otherwise it would crush her to imagine a child dying under her watch. Charlotte was Meredith’s quint — wrinkles on her forehead, perhaps not too pleased to be out of the womb. Meredith too, could relate to the sentiments. Sometimes she wished she could shut down and stop existing for a few seconds, a few hours, or a few days at a time and come back when she was ready. But of course, to exist was to suffer. To exist was to watch the man she loved smiling at his wife as they greeted each other in the halls. She wasn’t used to this. She could never get used to seeing Derek and Addison together.

It was just Meredith alone by the incubator as Izzie left to check on the mother; George and Alex were called to something else… and Cristina was with Burke, of course she was. It was just Meredith and Charlotte. So Meredith stared at her as she held her sterile hand into the incubator gently brushing against the infant’s body. 

“I’m sorry you have to be here,” Meredith sighed. “This world isn’t a very nice place, I must say. One moment you think you’re the happiest person to ever exist and the next… you find out the love of your life has a beautiful, intelligent, and annoyingly kind wife. But, I can’t blame her. She is pretty amazing in every way… and I think that’s why it hadn’t been easy on me.” A saddened chuckle left Meredith’s lips before she pulled her hand out and looked at the infant’s charts again. “Look at me. I’m so lonely that none of my friends want to talk to me anymore and I’m talking to a baby in the NICU. I’m sorry, Charlotte. I can only hope your life would be better than mine. Your mom really loves you. You’re lucky to have that.”

“Dr. Grey,” Addison’s voice called, followed by a clearing of her throat. 

At that, Meredith jumped and panicked —  _ shit, how much of that did she hear?  _ Still, they were on the job so Meredith had every intention to keep her interaction with Addison professional. Thus, she offered the attending surgeon a polite nod.

“Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd,” she greeted in return before standing up. “Charlotte’s vitals are stable for now. Her lungs are still a little underdeveloped but I’m keeping an eye on her.”   
“Are you on-call Dr. Grey?” Addison queried as her arms folded across her chest.   
“No, I’m not.” Meredith replied.   
“Okay. You can go home. You worked hard, Grey. Go get some rest,” Addison smiled awkwardly. “Dr. Stevens and the nurses will look after her and the other quints.”   
“Okay… Okay,” Meredith breathed before looking Addison in the eyes. “Goodnight Dr. Shepherd.” 

Before Meredith left, she casted one last glance at Charlotte’s incubator, almost terrified at the idea of the infant coding right as she left. Then, she sighed as she removed her gown and left the NICU. She let out a huge sigh of relief, not realizing she was holding her breath as she was speaking to Addison the whole time. With that thought lingering on her mind, she made her way home.

She went home that night with her back against her bed, her eyes staring at the ceiling as she found her minds wandering all over the place — from Derek and her relationship, to the trysts she’s had with Addison, and then to having nothing anymore. Derek was the love of her life but in one evening she lost it all. Addison was this annoying nuisance who came to take away the only shred of happiness Meredith had ever known. She hated this. But this was for the best. It wouldn’t be Derek if he didn’t try to fix things with Addison; and Meredith wouldn’t be Meredith if she continued to try and pursue Derek. Still, it was an uneasy thought that lingered on her mind. She hated the thought of them having sex with one another, she didn’t want to picture it but that was the image that plagued her mind as she drifted into sleep from fatigue. 

The next morning George and Meredith came to work together with coffees in their hands. Meredith was barely awake, she felt like a zombie walking through the halls. All she could hear were sounds of voices passing her by and the faint noises of machines beeping as patients were coding or the sound of EKGs flatlining and other stuff. But her eyes were drawn to the Shepherds as she saw them arguing. She could hear George trying to speak to her but Meredith placed a hand on his shoulder and shushed him as she tuned into their conversation.

“Cause you live in a glorified camper!” Addison gesticulated angrily at Derek.   
“Forty acres of some of the most beautiful land in Seattle!” Derek protested with an offended look on his face.    
“I did not give up a Central Park brownstone to come live in the forest!” Addison countered   
“Addie, our house in the Hamptons had trees. You didn't mind those trees, did you?” Derek replied snarkily as his eyes looked down at the charts in his hands.   
“They were the Hamptons.” Addison rolled her eyes as she pointed her finger at Derek like he was a stupid boy making a rhetorical statement.    
“Why are you pointing at me like that?” Derek frowned.   
“Don't…” And then the Shepherds trailed off.

Meredith blinked and turned her attention back to George, “Sorry what were you saying?”    
“Oh… nothing,” George shrugged.

With that they entered the locker room together and thus began Meredith’s day… another long one, she could anticipate it. She walked over to her locker pulling out her crumpled light blue scrubs before putting them on over her sweater. 

“Anyone have any decent food?” Cristina chimed as she crumpled her bag of chips and threw it into the trash.   
“You should eat some real food,” George chided as he took off his t-shirt before replacing it with his scrubs.    
“God… you sound just like Burke. Sometimes I think we’d be better off with dogs,” Cristina laughed before she stood up and tied her hair back.    
“Preaching to the choir! I’m over men!” Meredith exclaimed as she let out a laughter.   
“Real nice,” George stated, almost crestfallen. “You know a dog is not a replacement for a human being, right?” 

Meredith only shook her head as she slipped on her scrub pants. There were the conversations between her friends and Alex faintly ringing in the background as her mind thought backed to the words she uttered. Maybe it would be a good idea to swear off men for a bit. They were clearly the sources of all her problems currently. Besides, at least she wasn’t Addison. The idea of fighting over living in a trailer or a house seemed so juvenile to her and it was a blessing in disguise that Addison came and took him back. Hell, Meredith didn’t even know if she would like living in the woods — she didn’t know how to cook, she didn’t know how to start a fire, she didn’t know how to identify which mushrooms were poisonous or which types of plants were going to give her a rash. Addison was a blessing in disguise… right? 

A heavy exhale left Meredith’s lips as she shook her head before slamming the locker door shut. She promised herself that she wasn’t going to get involved in the Shepherd’s marital dramas anymore. She was out of the equation and she told him that… whatever feeling she might have was just her lonely heart desperately reaching out for the familiarity of love and affection. Meredith didn’t need him, she shouldn’t need him. But if that was the case then why did it hurt to see him with Addison? At this point she was arguing with herself in her head so she shook her head aggressively before she made her way towards Derek and Alex. 

* * *

The day passed her by like a haze. One moment she was consulting with Derek, the next she was giving reports for the quints to Addison. It felt like her body was on fire the whole day, she never once stopped moving — RSD, it was a lot more difficult to deal with than she would’ve expected and seeing Addison coming in and out of the NICU hadn’t made her life any easier. There was an unsettling feeling of resent that kept rising in her chest, even though she kept trying to brush it away. She could remember when their hands accidentally brushed her hands with Addison after they successfully intubated the infant. 

Meredith felt a feeling at the pit of her stomach. She felt sick to the stomach almost and she did anything she could to get out of the situation. Was she cold toward Addison? Perhaps. Was Addison owed warmth from Meredith? No. All Meredith wanted was that woman and her ex-boyfriend out of her mind and out of her life… and yet, Addison plagued her mind so frequently that she constantly felt nauseous and disgusted at herself. 

The day was rough on her. All Meredith wanted to do was to make sure that the patient was alright. Perhaps, on a certain level she understood the patient. Like Dorie, Meredith was alone and dispassionate. She couldn’t bear to see the way how Dorie was so despondent and the way how she couldn’t muster even a smile at the children she looked forward to having. It had been difficult. Meredith didn’t blame Dorie though. After all, most of her children have had multiple surgeries at this point… it was hard not to blame herself for that. 

After the phone call with Dorie’s family, she hung up. She wanted to surprise the other woman with the sight of her sons but they all had the flu. So, that plan fell through. Just like her trying to get the mother to bond with her children — the daughter she was looking at had an apneic episode before her. 

On top of that, she pissed off Izzie by talking to Alex. Alright, maybe that was her fault. But the truth was, the only person in the hospital who didn’t judge her was Alex Karev… it was because he didn’t give enough craps to judge her for it. The truth was, that was refreshing from being labelled as the dirty mistress who was stupid enough to sleep with the attending. Things were tense between them. Meredith never really knew how to be a good friend because she never really had any. When Sadie and her fought, Meredith ran away. She never had to deal with conflict because she never allowed herself the chance to try and solve it. But with Izzie? With George? With Cristina? She couldn’t. They were stuck together for the next few years of their residency. They were, in some unconventional sense, the closest thing to family she would have. 

_ When Derek broke up with you I never once said you're better off without him. It's not supportive, it's condescending. I was there. All I ever am is there for you guys and the one time I need you ... Just go away Meredith. _

Izzie’s words rang clear within her mind that whole night as she lay awake on her bed, tossing and turning as she watched dusk break into dawn. There was a point. Meredith didn’t know how to be supportive. Meredith never had to be supportive. Then she blinked… and then her alarm went off. 

Another day of work, it seemed. Not even a good night’s sleep. If only the universe would throw her a bone and cure her of whatever that seemed to be plaguing her for the past few months. 

* * *

“Hey, Dorie? What are you doing?” Meredith asked curiously as she watched the patient in the hospital gown looking like she was packing her possessions back into her suitcase.    
“I’m packing,” she replied curtly and slightly out of breath.    
“Dorie, you've just had major abdominal surgery. You're not in any shape —”   
“I'm going home Dr. Grey. I need to go home. I can't be here. I can't watch them die.” She interrupted Meredith in an exasperated and agitated tone.    
“They're not dying. They're trying to live. And you leaving them isn't going to help them.” Meredith exclaimed with a tight frown knitting between her brows.    
“I have 3 boys who need me.”    
“Your daughters need you.”    
“Don't you understand that I can't do it? I can't do it! They're too sick. They're too hurt.” Dorie explained while on the verge of tears.   
“Which is why they need their mother.”    
“If Emily dies —”    
“If Emily dies it will be horrible. But if Emily dies and you're not here …” Meredith interrupted before trailing off, saddened at the thought of an infant dying.    
“I can't even hold them.”    
“But you can sit with them and talk to them and let them know they're not alone in this world. That's all they need. That's all that anybody …” And it was then that Meredith had a thought come into her mind as she stared off into the distance.    
“What?”    
“I think I know how to help Charlotte.” A small, yet, hopeful smile popped onto Meredith’s lips before she started to make her way to the NICU, whilst watching Dorie following behind her. 

At this point, she was gowned up in the NICU and Dorie behind her. Meredith had a one track mind when it came to this theory she wanted to test. Without so much as acknowledging the surrounding, she moved towards one of the quints’ incubators as she disconnected Kate’s incubator before moving her to lie down beside Charlotte. 

“I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner.” Meredith said softly with a smile on her lips.   
“What are you doing?” Dorie asked, looking a little sceptical.    
“It's called co-bedding. Hospitals sometimes do it with twins when one of them is sick.” Meredith turned around to face the mother, whilst explaining with wonder in her eyes.   
“And the other one gets better?”   
“It helps.   
“How?”

“This way there's someone there to comfort them. To be there with them,” Meredith nodded as she began to reconnect Kate’s tubes again, whilst watching the quints. 

This felt hopeful as she watched Dorie smile for the first time since she delivered the quints. In that instance she felt like a miracle worker as hours passed and they’ve improved significantly. This was all worth it. They quints had their mothers, and Dorie looked hopeful for the first time as she last saw the woman talking to her children outside of the incubator. 

With that, she was ready to go home and as she entered the locker room, she noticed the somber atmosphere there. Izzie was there, melancholic and down. She sat there, looking lost. Meredith knew that feeling all too well, so despite their fight the night before she moved closer towards the blonde woman. 

“My baby died…” She uttered in disbelief.   
Meredith could feel the pain in her voice.   
“She just… died.” Izzie was on the verge of bursting into tears.    
At that Meredith sighed as her eyes looked down at her feet. The silence hung heavy in the air. They were all mourning together and… Meredith finally understood what she was supposed to do. So she reached out her hand and pulled Izzie’s into her own. 

“I have an idea,” she smiled.    
Izzie looked confused but Meredith pulled her out. 

One minute they were at the hospital.   
The next they were at an animal rescue.   
One minute they were lonely girls.   
The next they were not.

That’s right. 

Meredith Grey got a dog. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was a whole lot of Meredith but not a lot of Addison. But the "peace" between them are gonna change up pretty soon. So. Hang onto your seats.


End file.
